Summarizing these past few eat, pray, love months (2022’s first quarter), words may fail me... Minus the international travel, I’ve been growing and healing in my own special way; understanding that it takes such a great deal of patience to do both simultaneously [not so linearly as they once seemed]. Like a push and pull, I’m grateful to have realized the only thing truly holding me back— me; and the only thing with all the power to propel me into this life that I desire— me. When I said goodbye to 2021, I said goodbye to baggage that weighed me down: fear, doubt, shame, hurt (all that). I said goodbye to everything I knew I could no longer carry with me, realizing none of it belongs to the person I want to be.
I’m reclaiming my time and energy from a-whole-fucking-lot! Time, and faith— all I need to see this path through. And I won’t let the stress, of whatever possible doom we are facing, kill me. I rebuke it. I refuse. On many a day, that sentiment is radical enough. I’ve discovered the power of knowing, and believing, that I am enough. After all the storms I’ve endured, I am grateful for this life. I can finally see another day for the blessing that it is [quite a new feeling for me, honestly]. No matter the hell outside/around me, its attempts to pierce my spirit— inside a passionate fire insists on burning, and that is such a brightly beautiful thing. In the mirror now, I see the endless internal glow…
Everything that is meant for me knows exactly where I am and is on its way. There’s a stillness in that reassurance I’ve discovered, and it soothes my sometimes frantic and anxious mind. These past few months have gifted me this as well… Translating into tears at times, I am joyous, I am secure, I am hopeful, proud, and I am full. Adding to my accomplishments and continuing to attack my goals with even stronger determination; I am proud to have completed my birth doula training with the National Black Doulas Association® Leadership Academy (the first major step in gaining my certification), proud of my visual art that I’ve been finding solace in and working/creating with my hands again. I am proud of me, for putting myself in rooms I’d once been too afraid to belong in. I am… taking up space, filling the shoes of the woman that I never saw coming, but I’m so glad she’s here now! No longer basing my value on what I can produce or the material things I can acquire. No longer exhausting myself, trying to be whatever appeals to others. I am appreciating (and celebrating) this self-care, growing in the right direction(s), and changing for the better.
With April [and spring] comes the spirit of rebirth and bloom… My main goal for this blog has always been to chronicle the experience of finding my own way as a creative and following the direction(s) of passion and purpose. I can say that I’m another step closer to crafting what’s perfect for me. My reality is that I’m good at many things— I’m a multidisciplinary artist, a writer, a healer, and birth doula; these are my passions and one thing I’ve learned about myself along the way is that my list of passions is always growing. Listening to my heart, I understand that though I love all these things, I wouldn’t be happy (or fulfilled) if I choose to do any one for 40+ hours a week [24/7, 365, etc.]. I’m grateful for the awareness that my brain doesn’t work best on a “typical” schedule (or on someone else’s time); and neither does my spirit, so why force what’s unnatural to me? Though there is nothing easy about forging your own path, I’m making it happen! Peace of mind— I owe it to myself. I owe myself everything…
I’m looking forward to blogging these next chapters: my birth-work, relocating, discoveries that bring me joy, lessons learned, and so much more. Until then, HAPPY APRIL; and many thanks for reading!
